sometimes, i can never believe the worst in others. i just want to see what i see. i don't want to see the inner layers. the outside is enough. like, why do i even care if you smoke or not? i know you smoke, but when someone says it to me, i just don't want to believe it. maybe i am naive. i can never wanna believe whatever i do not want to believe. i have no idea why this is sucha big deal to me. but sometimes, i wish for world peace, i believe everything in this world will fall right into pieces and the world will be a better place to live in. sigh.

i just got my entryproof. i'll be sitting for my o's at guangyang. and i dunno why, but i feel completely weird i'm doing o's in a place where i know of absolutely nobody. i mean, all my life i did exams with my classmates. and what if after the paper i want to discuss it? and what if the paper was so hard? how can i just run in the middle of parade square and cry? how could anyone wipe my tears since they don't know me? i hate feeling this weird. sigh. and whenever i need someone to talk to. i wish it was you. each time i have something to say, i wish it was you i can talk to. when i lie away in bed in the middle of the night, i wish i was talking to you. and you're not even a big part of my life. but i just miss you tremendously. i don't care if i don't come to your mind at all, i know that a long time ago. but so what? you're my friend and i'm too attached to you. screw me for letting myself feel this way. screw you. for being you.and for being the biggest ass of a hole when you just feel like it.

not only that, with my feelings going totally haywire and for being so damn stressed over o's. my parents just have to rub it in. i've heard shits going on and on and on. i wonder, why parents do this. reverse psychology? so when you say i'm stupid, i must get it and study harder? well, please. it doesn't work sometimes. why? why do you hurt your own child like this? i am not talking bout just my parents here. i know of so many parents who discourage their child, looks down on them, make them believe what a disappointment they are. why? does it give you a sense of satisfaction to make them feel so low and unwanted and trash to society? maybe i am not a parent so i wouldn't understand. i wouldn't understand that you're tired coming home from work and that you just have to yell at your child, spat filthy words to them just so you could vent all your frustration. well i am so fucking sorry i just don't understand. i don't need you to say anything to them. heck, just shut your trap. once a failure doesn't prove that we'll stay a failure. because, with every failure, there's a success. damn you for spoiling my mood.

i don't feel so good. g'night.