i haven been feeling all great these days. once i was just reading and i just burst and i realised imma miss this y'know? you get that feeling people already leaving you when it ain't even over yet. i gotta say hey thanks man for being there for me. its amazing how people who knows youfor less than 6 months know something is wrong just by the way i text. i guess thats pretty nice cuz i know someone for like 4 years and ain't knowing whats wrong or whats happening. i hate it i always have so much to say when i am not on but when i am i just have nothing to say! but imma stay a lil longer! i wanna write it all down it makes me feel a whole damn lot better.

i've been listening to the same song over and over again. do people only appreciate someone when they're gone? is that whats life is all bout? you lose them then you know that they meant a lot to you, that you miss hanging with them? that you shoulda done this, shoulda done that. but hey, if the person didn't die, y'all ain't thinking 'bout them. so what, what y'all regretting for? he's gone, dead, and he ain't coming back. people only celebrate mother's day cuz its mother's day.

celebrate valentine cuz its valentine. why can't you love you momma everyday? why isn't it special everyday? why don't you love who you love everyday instead of having just one special day? this is ridiculous ain't it? i've been thinking a lot. when i ask, "will you miss me if i'm gone" and the answer is always " yes" or "of course" or "don't even ask that question". than now i realise people ain't saying that cuz they mean it, it ain't cuz they gonna miss me, its cuz thats what they gotta say. nobody would say " no, i won't miss you when you're dead". thats just plain straight up mean. so yeah, ain't no one gonna care. thats just life ain't it? i'm getting all pissed off again and i don't like it. but its true. if i was gone, i think only a handful will really miss me, will really visit me when i'm sick, will call me when we haven hang for a long time. i can practically count them with my fingers. i don't need 10 fingers to count how many people really care. i must say yeah i'm blessed alright. cuz there's very little people who really care. but they care, a lot. so thats something. :) you know who y'all are. i know who y'all are. this year taught me a lot. stuff that even i don't wanna know. i'm not tryna be all angel here like i didnt make no mistake, but i see, i get hurt, i move away, i move on. things cant change no more. this is over we over.

i guess i am just upset, dont ask over what, i don't know it myself. but i just feel it. i feel so left out, and its not cuz i'm lonely. am i? don't i have people to talk to? do i? do i have people to share my feelings to? i do. just that i thought.. naw, i don't know. and whoever thought i had a lot of friend, you're crazy and you are so, so, so, wrong. maybe hey, this is it. it was never meant to be forever. we say that cuz we were upset. cuz we.. we didn't want it to end. but its ending, so, here goes. it don't make sense but i know it does. and now i feel better cuz i let it all out.

oh yeah, i hate it that they're so annoying and that i can't use the comp cuz i can't. i hate it. here.

so much.