finally i feel less tired. these whole month i have been studying and slacking and studying.
i get so lethargic even when i get a quick afternoon nap, i wake up , still tired! i am really mentally tired and i don't need extra stress and i don't want it okay. so yes. i feel like i am missing something, or someone, but i don't know who, or i just feel like my feelings are no longer accurate or that its totally numbed out. i feel so empty inside and really, i really do not need this, especially now. i have 3 more papers to go and i will give it my very best, as i have promised even when i know my math was a total failure. i think crying bout it now is a waste of my tears. there's nothing i can do, unless as sarah say i can hijack the plane. :(

i keep thinking of irrelevant things that are pointless. i wonder if i do have got a true friend that really absolutely care about me? or this is just an act cuz we're all classmates and we're all suppose to get along since its the last year? i do not understand where i stand sometimes. do i fit in or am i an outcast?

so, yeah i am so suppose to study my social studies and my f&n, but i can't. not tonight please. thank god daddy understands and i am more than happy than he lets me sit here and just surf the net. he's been very supportive and i think if i let him down, i really have got nothing to do for him. i do not wanna be a disappointment to him, after all the care and love he had showered to me. i will feel so bad. or like how i called my sister crying my eyes out cuz i think i was gonna fail my math. its really really sweet when she kept saying she believed i could do it and i should think the same too. even talking bout it now makes me tear up a bit. i won't give up no matter what okay. i promise.

dear god, i know you can read my thoughts and all, and i know i haven been praying and i know its been about a month plus since i last talked to you, i want you to know that i am deeply sorry. and i have been so tired like all the energy is sucked out from my body. i wish you'd make this wish come true. even if this is like the last wish i can make. you're the only one that can make miracles happen and i need it so bad right now.

i'm gonna run along now. my head is throbbing. my big toe hurts. my flu is much better and my sore throat is gone. :) they say when you're sick, means god is punishing you. if its true, can you punish me more? so that i can clear all my sins and be good again?

"do you know what it's like when your head keeps roaring and whirling and spinning, around and around and around, and you feel so sick that you think your body's going to turn itself inside out, and it hurts so much that you wish you'd never been born?"