i haven blog in ages! everytime i wanna blog, i'll always stare blankly at the screen.but i always have so many things to say after i off the computer. how annoying.i start fasting today. :) its okay, i'm not hungry yet. i hope i can stay this way the whole month.

last night, i couldnt sleep. i stay awake starring at the ceiling, listening to music, messaging jolene & wei kiat. i fell asleep only at 3 and my mum woke me up at 4. to eat something before
the morning prayers and fasting begins. i got up 3 times, and i woke up at 9. i can't fall back to sleep. so here i am. there's so may things running through my mind last night. o's. o's. o's.
what's gonna happen after o's. will i be able to go to poly? will i ever study abroad? will my friends still keep in contact with me? will they remember me? will i every migrate? will my future be an interesting one, just like how i plan it to be, or it'd be a disaster? i have so many things running through my head, i just can't sleep. maybe i should really start talking, praying to god. whenever nicola message me, i can feel how much she loves jesus. how much she loves
going to church. and when i look at myself, i think again. i say i love god, but i don't do anything to show Him, to prove to Him that i really do love him. and i feel so guilty because he is always there, always, without fail. and this fasting month, i wanna make things right again. i wanna pray to him and try not to be lazy. and everytime i tell myself this, it always doesn't work! and
i am annoyed with my own laziness! urgh, this time, i will start and we'll see how it goes. i hope it'd work this time.

i've been studyin for math and its so, omg! i have so many questions and all those questions are worth 1 mark. just 1 mark and i cant seem to do it. and this infuriates me more! because i feel so damn stupid and its always the same old reason everytime! and whenever i wanna make it better, it just won't work! i hate it! but i really have no choice. i promised myself, just what, 50 days. 50 bloody days, i study like mad, and no more!i have nothing to lose.why does life have to be sucha struggle. dear god, i hope this time you're by my side.

other than this, gleinys finally got financial help and all. and finally could start college. i'm so happy for her. if only getting to college was that easy, i'd fly to america now and continue my education there. so, summer is ending and for some, has ended. and fall is coming, oh how i wish i can see it all. the 4 seasons. i always wanted to! its beautifullllllll. :) life is so unfair. and for some, it doesn't get better. and today is tom's and bill's birthday! :D happy 19th birthday!
have a wonderful day, that is so obvious now isn't it.

i still wanna see the sunset, its so beautiful. i wanna lie down on someone's porch, and watch the sky filled with stars just stare at the beautiful moon. aaaaaaaaaaa. now, thats beautiful. :)
okay,thats all i have to say. i am pretty stressed up. and i'm gonna watch tv to destress before my parents get up and start nagging. have a great holidays!

some nights pass & you're just gone. i need your calming reassurance that everything is alright, that tomorrow will be a better day. i've missed you so much.