isn't it beautiful? i wish our lives was like that, so colourful and meaningful. sadly being alive,is never oh-so-colourful. school has been wayyyy hectic. i go to school for 14 hours a day &by the time i get home, its so hard to open my eyes. so most time i get home & drop dead.i've been dying to blog. well, everything's pretty alright. somedays its really awesome, someday,it just makes me sick.

CTI final concert is tomorrow. as much as i wanna see them again, i don't want to.
when they perform, i know they'll go back to america. & as selfish as i may sound, i don't want them to. but, yeah, they have to and they want to so badly. this is madness. i don't even know them. i hope i'll have fun tomorrow and everyone else toooo! :)

fasting month is almost here. o's is 2 months away. 2 months to freedom. 2 months to everythinggggg to end and to a brand new start! i am tired of school and classmates sometimes. but i'd miss them. other than that, i still feel upset sometimes and i just wanna pour my feelings out. the more i keep it inside, it hurts even more. sometimes i feel really stupid & i do stupid shit that my friends don't wanna come near. i feel really offended, really embarrassed. i really don't know how to be better. sometimes i try, but i still feel the same. can you help me? or will you just make me feel even stupider than ever? its exactly how i feel when i see a math or a physics paper. i hate doing them because i feel so dumb! i will just stare into the paper like a complete idiot! and that bugs the shit out of me! gahhh, being smart is not easy.sometimes i wonder would i be ugly or smart or a bimbo? i never really can answer that. i'm
not really happy with myself, but i appreciate it at times. i think. oh wells. other than that, i'm happy. i just really wish i would be grateful of things, i would be a better person than what i am,
would work harder for o's and be a better friend. i know! its a bit too much right! haha!okay,thats just all now.

OH YEAH! i am like so nervous for tomorrow! :D its gonna be awesome! even if i was upset,i'd smile, think happy thoughts and ignore my upsetness! really! :D
i hope it'd be alright and i won't freak outtttttt. and will not get tongue tied (most prob).
gotta go now! HAPPY THOUGHTS, HAPPY THOUGHTS, HAPPY THOUGHTS! :D