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posted : Thursday, December 06, 2007
title :
heys. today, was tiring. stomachache. +.+ i have got photos, but i am not posting today.
maybe one or two. i feel sooooooooooooooooo lethargic. i love golden compass. weeeeeee. i really love the bear! and billy! and that girls best friend! LOL. and the girl! sighs. today was really good. but theres other things thats bugging me. its like the feeling where you are not sure how you feel but you feel that sadness burried deep within. its the feeling when you just feel so stupid about yourself, your actions, your choices, your friends, your surroundings. theres this lump of guilt and i dont like the way that feel. i wanna feel happy, and 16 and i dont wanna stay sad, or troubled. i wanna live far far away. i wanna be all alone. i dont wanna stay at singapore. its crazy, but i just feel so miserable so suddenly. i wanna cry but i dont know for what reasons. i am sad, but i dont know why. maybe i should stop lying to myself! or maybe i just really dont know whats wrong. or maybe, i just dont wanna admit on why i feel this way. i feel so lost. or maybe the fact that i cant let go. forget it man. such a fucked up feeling. i want it to flow out. and then it'd just dissapear. i admit. my decisions are always leading to another mistake. i wish i wasnt so fragile. :/ i wish i was stronger. i really dont want to rely on people. but i just wish theres someone who would pat me on my back, and remind me, "this is not the end. life goes on." wait. people do say that, its just that i seem to follow my heart than my brains. i have friends that i can rate from the best to the worst. and i just cant seem to see that properly. my stupidity. my ignorance. i put this whole problem on myself, because of my decision. i am done. i do not want to be alone. i do not want to take the road of life alone. i do not want to suffer alone. i admit i am too weak, but i am willing to try. i may just break at anytime, but i know i will try.
hello haziq! as bitchy as you are, you're really crazy & nice to talk to. although you do not agree with me often, you can be OKAY LAH. hor? hahahhahahahhahahahaha. thanks. TODAY WAS TOTALLY GILERRR. kalau nak gambar, ask me! :D my bitch! photos will be updated some other time.....
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I am someone who looks for happiness at places where one least expect it.
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