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posted : Wednesday, May 23, 2007
title :
hello. i feel like crap the whole day. felt like shit. and i feel
really really angry. i dunno why. weird. but i still am. every little thing makes me so grumphy. and i frown more than i could actually smile. i miss him a hell lot too. its weird. when i get angry, like super duper and i couldnt do anything to make it go away, i'll cry. and sometimes it help. sometimes , it doesnt. even when im sad. they say ' cry your heart out and you'll feel way better ' but i dont. this mixed feelings are killing me. i feel like im super duper sensitive? and when i think of mt o's. they make me so angry. i wanna pon school and not come EVER AGAIN. malays totally torture me and gives me the traumas. i hate it! i hate the teacher. i hate the class. I HATE MALAY. weird. a malay girl saying she hates her language. but seriously. so much revision, makes my head spins. with the emotional crisis im going through and intensive revision, its totally killing me. i wish he was here to listen to me. i wish he was here, to say everything's alright. baby. 2 days a week is not enough. i dont mind waking up at 3 in the morning just to talk to you. and tell you how much im going through. it'd make me feel a hell lot better. i feel like crap right now. and i wish you'd stand by me. like sometimes you feel like youre all alone. you know youre not. but you feel like you are. does people who wanna commit murder feel that way? was that why they killed themselves? because they think no one is there to catch them when they fall? to think that nobody will lend a shoulder for them to cry on. that no one would wipe their tears when they cry? i feel like that right now. and i really really feel that alone, that angry, and that sad. like i have nobody. why do i feel like this? sometimes staring at you photo help, rereading our conversation helps. and remembering how you sound at 2 am makes me smile, but right now, i just wanna cry. i wanna break down in front of you and tell you, how important you are to me. if only i could hold on yo you for support. i want you by my side. not all the time, but just so this feeling of misses will go away. its impossible, i know. i want this to be a miracle. i want us to be a miracle. i want to make this last. sometimes, i dont know what i want. but i know, i wanna see you on. i wanna tell you that i love you and that i miss you. i want you to call me. i want you to text me. that'd make it all better. to see that would make it all easier. im emotionally down today. i lack of sleep. i get angry. im sad. i miss him. i feel like crap. im having malay trauma. im gonna flunk my paper. okay, i hope i wont. think positive. i seriously am so confused. i sorta hate the way it is now. i hate everything. i even hate the way i am. god. i wanna feel better. i wanna see him on. please, i want this nightmare to end right now. |
I am someone who looks for happiness at places where one least expect it.
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